i never realized why i love slash hated don draper in mad men so much until this last episode i just watched.
he is almost every man i know;
so loving, easily distracted by pretty things, he has a pained past, he is deep, depressed, and desperately wants to be more, but seems to be stuck in his cycle. and has this charm, that makes everything seem that it'll be OK, even when it won't.
its funny how in this episode (which i have been watchin for years and finally finished today, ironic when mixed with other events that happened, irony seems to be my other middle name) i was so happy for the fictional, but-all-to-real character. until he called the girl he was dating to tell her he just got engaged. little too close to home for this lady.
maybe that's how it is. maybe no one ever really changes. not really. not whats underneath, and inside them.
i wonder what I'd be like if i never experienced that. probably very naive. maybe happy but a little unfulfilled. i wouldn't be as jaded as i am. or as cynical. or scared of everything, cause it all hurts too much.
i wonder what this new epihinany means for what "I've always believed in. cause you don't know where you'll be"... i guess everything is perspective. and I'm probably the antagonist in other people's mind...
damn i wonder a lot.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
classics
we grow up thinking love stories have to be tragic.
one person ends up alone, or unrequited love is so romantic.
they lived a normal standard life where love had peaks and dips doesn't sell as many copies i suppose.
then there are the incredible men of America's past.
John Kennedy
well the whole Kennedy family
Martin Luther King
pretty much every president
religious leaders
they all had affairs. countless affairs. and all their wives stayed. because its what was expected.
then there is the religious guilt. GOD forbid you're in a love-less marriage. if you have kids you stay. anything else is selfish. and not sanctioned by the big guy. big guy. women are the downfall of society right? the curse of eve and all that. even if you are showing your kids that love is not the most important. at least your showing them eternal commitment! forever and ever.
then there is the Love we experience. the kind that stops your heart and brings moisture to your eyes when your remember. it seems to be that everyone has that particular memory. that one that got away.
why is it that we don't tend to end up with the ones that shake our entire world? maybe you're not supposed to be with your greatest love. maybe its too much. too much passion. too much hate. too much love. too much longing. maybe one is supposed to be just content...not titillated on the edge of one's seat for life.
maybe it doesn't have to be "I'll never let go" or tragic dual suicides. maybe we can just be. and see what happens.
one person ends up alone, or unrequited love is so romantic.
they lived a normal standard life where love had peaks and dips doesn't sell as many copies i suppose.
then there are the incredible men of America's past.
John Kennedy
well the whole Kennedy family
Martin Luther King
pretty much every president
religious leaders
they all had affairs. countless affairs. and all their wives stayed. because its what was expected.
then there is the religious guilt. GOD forbid you're in a love-less marriage. if you have kids you stay. anything else is selfish. and not sanctioned by the big guy. big guy. women are the downfall of society right? the curse of eve and all that. even if you are showing your kids that love is not the most important. at least your showing them eternal commitment! forever and ever.
then there is the Love we experience. the kind that stops your heart and brings moisture to your eyes when your remember. it seems to be that everyone has that particular memory. that one that got away.
why is it that we don't tend to end up with the ones that shake our entire world? maybe you're not supposed to be with your greatest love. maybe its too much. too much passion. too much hate. too much love. too much longing. maybe one is supposed to be just content...not titillated on the edge of one's seat for life.
maybe it doesn't have to be "I'll never let go" or tragic dual suicides. maybe we can just be. and see what happens.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
this is now
Im done with thinking that my life's love story has to end in pain, or with a half version of myself. This is the part of me that no one is ever gonna ever take away from me...
now look at me im sparkling.
now look at me im sparkling.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
no means what??
Recently I've realized a lot of men in the world think that a girl saying no to sexual things means anything other than no.
Like...
NO but maybe...
NO until i change my mind...
NO but secretly I'm teasing you until you make me decide yes??
NO MEANS (yup you guessed it) NO!
Statistics show that two thirds of teens in one survey said it was okay for a boy to force sex on a girl if they’d been dating for more than six months. A large number said it was okay if the boy/man had spent a lot of money on her. One in three said it was okay if the girl had been sexually active before.
that scares me.
ATTENTION ALL MEN AND BOYS READING THIS: If a woman says no, in any shape or form it means no. do not push boundaries, even a little bit, its still pushing. date rape is a commonly mis-diagnosed thing; and in the USA, if the word no is spoken at all, and sex is forced, that is considered rape in a court of law.
ATTENTION ALL GIRLS AND WOMEN READING THIS: Please don't use "no" as a teasing method. Don't say no and really mean yes. and if you really don't want to do anything don't feel like you have to because either you don't want to hurt feelings, or make anything awkward, or because you think you're supposed to have sex at certain times. If you're ever in this situation, ladies educate these men! Tell them when they make you feel uncomfortable or pushed. A lot of boys/men justify this behavior, tell them its not OK and stand up for yourself!
Like...
NO but maybe...
NO until i change my mind...
NO but secretly I'm teasing you until you make me decide yes??
NO MEANS (yup you guessed it) NO!
Statistics show that two thirds of teens in one survey said it was okay for a boy to force sex on a girl if they’d been dating for more than six months. A large number said it was okay if the boy/man had spent a lot of money on her. One in three said it was okay if the girl had been sexually active before.
that scares me.
ATTENTION ALL MEN AND BOYS READING THIS: If a woman says no, in any shape or form it means no. do not push boundaries, even a little bit, its still pushing. date rape is a commonly mis-diagnosed thing; and in the USA, if the word no is spoken at all, and sex is forced, that is considered rape in a court of law.
ATTENTION ALL GIRLS AND WOMEN READING THIS: Please don't use "no" as a teasing method. Don't say no and really mean yes. and if you really don't want to do anything don't feel like you have to because either you don't want to hurt feelings, or make anything awkward, or because you think you're supposed to have sex at certain times. If you're ever in this situation, ladies educate these men! Tell them when they make you feel uncomfortable or pushed. A lot of boys/men justify this behavior, tell them its not OK and stand up for yourself!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thanks to God
I need to take a moment and give thanks for the miracles that have happened in my familiy as of late..
it has been muddled with all kinds of stupid family drama. and sometimes its frustrating to hear all the immaturity even in adults who are supposed to be more responsible...but the good is still there. so here it is.
my brother brady was hit by a car going full speed, and survived. he's in icu but he has brain activity and is going to be okay. that is amazing. not only because people could die from this and do all the time, ut because Brady has had so many last chances. because for so long i've been dreading that phone call. and the Lord has saved him so many times, and i am forever grateful.
my sister had her baby! Briggs Carter Eaten is the best little boy i have ever ever seen. he has this little crooked smile like ashlee, and ryan's nose. seeing him makes the whole world seem better, and i am so thankful to be a part of his life.
im exhausted, but so so thankful.
i guess this is the rainbow? now im ready for the rest of the good. :)
it has been muddled with all kinds of stupid family drama. and sometimes its frustrating to hear all the immaturity even in adults who are supposed to be more responsible...but the good is still there. so here it is.
my brother brady was hit by a car going full speed, and survived. he's in icu but he has brain activity and is going to be okay. that is amazing. not only because people could die from this and do all the time, ut because Brady has had so many last chances. because for so long i've been dreading that phone call. and the Lord has saved him so many times, and i am forever grateful.
my sister had her baby! Briggs Carter Eaten is the best little boy i have ever ever seen. he has this little crooked smile like ashlee, and ryan's nose. seeing him makes the whole world seem better, and i am so thankful to be a part of his life.
im exhausted, but so so thankful.
i guess this is the rainbow? now im ready for the rest of the good. :)
Friday, December 23, 2011
barefoot
my arms swing freely
open air is all around.
i feel the sunshine inside my bones
and the moment is perfect.
only one thing would make it better...
if i knew you were waiting for me at home
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Big city
my nose posted to the airplane window on the way down...i was amazed at the sky line.
three planes, two trains and helpful strangers
i wore my skirt and heels, not anticipating the hike from airport to subway with my suitcase that could fit a small person in it... but i did feel good.
the cab ride was something ill never forget. my phone was dying, i still had the next airport to navigate through, and two trains, and i saw my short life flash before my eyes! the cabi stopped when he should've gone and gone when the laws of physics said to stop.
on the final train to Trenton i borrowed a strangers phone to text my person meeting me. he rides the train everyday for work into the city. so glamorous
the phone man was flirting with me, but i was so nervous and excited that i didn't blink twice.
when i got off the train, the station was full of touring Asian teens.
i got off a found a bench, and proceed to be enveloped by my nerves. i checked my face and redid my hair.
once i was all ready and fluffed i had nothing to do but stare at my hands and watch every car that pulled up wondering if it was him.
i didn't hear him walk up. suddenly my eyes were caught and he was right in front of me.
and i was there. even my fingers smiled
three planes, two trains and helpful strangers
i wore my skirt and heels, not anticipating the hike from airport to subway with my suitcase that could fit a small person in it... but i did feel good.
the cab ride was something ill never forget. my phone was dying, i still had the next airport to navigate through, and two trains, and i saw my short life flash before my eyes! the cabi stopped when he should've gone and gone when the laws of physics said to stop.
on the final train to Trenton i borrowed a strangers phone to text my person meeting me. he rides the train everyday for work into the city. so glamorous
the phone man was flirting with me, but i was so nervous and excited that i didn't blink twice.
when i got off the train, the station was full of touring Asian teens.
i got off a found a bench, and proceed to be enveloped by my nerves. i checked my face and redid my hair.
once i was all ready and fluffed i had nothing to do but stare at my hands and watch every car that pulled up wondering if it was him.
i didn't hear him walk up. suddenly my eyes were caught and he was right in front of me.
and i was there. even my fingers smiled
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